Jack Hinks (dangerous_beans) wrote in bitches_r_us,
Jack Hinks
dangerous_beans
bitches_r_us

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So I slept on the couch last night...

Mickey reminded me this journal exists _just_ for such a purpose! To bitch about my dearest, darling, sweetheart C. I slept on the couch last night because I could not stand to be in the same room with his own sweet self.

I'm not really sure what happened. I know what I'm stressed about and we talked about that a couple of days ago during his lunch hour, but of course nothing got done. And nothing will get done until I have to actually leave.

Leaving may end us. And he doesn't seem to either see this, care, or truly believes it will just be another hurdle to get over. I'm bleeding tired of jumping hurdles. For two and a half years the hurdle was distance, and then long-distance. Now it's waiting on red-tape, or for both sets of parents to be able to watch us get married, or gods only know what the fuck is next and I'm so tired of hurdles.

Oh yeah. Brief summary:
-I moved to Canada on November 17th.
-I'm here on the 3 month visitor's pass wherein you don't need a visa or other paperwork.
-I supposedly had a job waiting for me (and it is, if the boss ever gets off his ass and contacts anyone to cut the red tape).
-I'm homesick and have no place of my own to go back to - my family changed my bedroom into a den.
-I thoroughly fucking loathe winter and the lack of sunlight. When I got here there were maybe 6.5 hours of daylight and that's including twilights. And only if the day wasn't already grey.


Living with Chris is on the one hand, wonderful. I love him and I'm glad I'm finally here. And on the other hand, it's so much harder than I thought it would be. I'll admit it I'm the harder one to live with. It's taken/taking a long time to feel settled, and something happens to get my back up and I'll be a snarling bitch because of it. It doesn't seem to matter whether or not it's a reality or only in my head.

And I still don't know why I was the one that slept on the uncomfortable couch. Should've taken the bed and let him take the couch.
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